The camera (first time director OK) rolls and the opening shot shows a performing arts college, where the rich and/or confused junta enroll to jam-up and party under the ruse of an academic pursuit.

HOW IT HAPPENED
The film makers sat around together and decided to help out various models who had nothing much to do anyway and who would act for a pittance. The screenplay was scribbled over the weekend, and the model cast was shooting even before they caught a sight of the script.

WHAT’S NEW
The theatre we went to has new tubelights.... and aah there is a funny scheme under which the various characters chat with the viewers, (this is about the only communication the flick manages).

CAST KAUN HAI ?
Saddant - Sad for short; ex-Gladrags model. He may be glad but we were definitely ragged watching him.
Khudkhushi - Dimple’s daughter, whose name (khushi actually) is a complete misnomer. (If Twinkle was baad, watch out for her)
Bugged - Yet another model, jisse Khudkhushi to nahi mili, but tumhe iski acting se thodi si khushi milegi.
Pagloo - The stammering sidekick.
Morony - The Pajero driving poetic pakao.
Booby & Aadha - The two bumbling bimbettes.
KS - “I’m here only for the AIDS”
Jets - The swaying pansy in psychedelic dhinchak clothes, with french beard, thin mustache, side burns and a fluorescent pink bike knows only 3 words, ‘I like it’ (We don’t).

Hi ! I am Sad, in 3 months my whole life changed, I found out about a pyaar, a Fire within me which was set aflame much before 9 months.

The bekaar gang is sitting around wondering how to make life exciting when Sad comes up with a fun, life threatening game.

Sad : Khudkushi, tumhe ek game khelna hai? Hum pagalo pe bharosa karna padega. We’ll blindfold you and you must walk on the edge of the parapet, and are likely to fall to your death! Cool no.

Khudkhushi : Sure why not, mein yaha khudkhushi hi karne aaye hoon.
Plus my parents have ensured that I will live through this entire movie. Star to banna hai.

Khudkhushi is directed by her fellow blind-folded fools and luckily falls into Sads arms. ‘Pissed’ off she walks away and the gang breaks out into a song to pacify her tantrum.

Susu susu aa gayee, mujko aagayi, susu susu aa gayee haan ...
Susu susu aa gayee, mujko aagayi, susu susu aa gayee haan ...
Maana hum se ho gayee, ek choti si khafa, toilet training nahin mila.
Susu susu aa gayee ... (Repeat)

After everyone relieved themselves Sad and Bugged have a heart to heart talk in their hostel room.
Sad is facing a moral dilemma: should he sleep with popstar Sexy and advance his career or stick with Khudkhushi, his true love.

Sad : Kya karoon...Yeh meri life ki train ka last stop hai.
Bugged : What nonsense. Chain ko pull kar aur utar ja. Har station par chai-pani ka mazaa lena chahiye (wink)
Sad : Par khudkushi chai-pani nahi hai, woh to Bisleri jaisi pure hai.
After that soul wrenching dialogue their train of thought derails and they fight for langotis.

Adha : Pyaz kaatne mein kabhi kabhi rona padta hein... Baaju wale ko bhi aur ticket kharidnewale ko sabse zyada rona padta hai.

Sad and Khudkhushi go on a date. What happens next, just watch and wait.

Sad (while sipping 1 by 2 soup) : Chalo hum MTNL ko ullu banayenge, invisible phone pe baat karenge.
Khudkhushi : Haan, mobile bhi nahi hai aur soup ke liye do rupaye bhi bachayenge.
Sad : You can be my GF for 2 reasons. Tum butki ho, mere arm ke liye acchi arm-rest ho.
Khudkhushi : Aur doosra reason?
Sad : Aaj raat ke liye ek dumb reason kaafi hai.

Morony : Pyaar mein brainy nahi brawny hona zaroori hai, aur mein John Trovolta hoon, mujhe Saturday night ka bukhaar hai.

Meanwhile Sad gets a chance to make smooth moves with popstar Sexy.
Sad in suit-boot goes to meet the buxom babe who’s been risking pneumonia waiting in the pool for him since the past 6 hrs. She leads Sad to her bedroom and throws off her robe... she wants him to iron it, but he keeps mumbling ‘I love you Khudkhushi’. Sexy doesn’t think that’s smooth, she hates cheating dhobhis and sends senti Sad off.

Booby : Pav mein kabhi kabhi vada hona zaroori hai, aur choli mein silicone hona zaroori hai.

Khudkhushi is angry that Sad is busy ironing someone else’s clothes, she zooms off in a shiny Cool Cab. Remorseful Sad, finds solace and succour in Bugged, on whose stocky shoulders he weeps on and starts singing songs.

Sad : Main Khudkhushi ko paana chahta tha, par ab main khudkhushi karna chahta hoon!
Bugs : Haan tumhare contraceptives bhi expire ho rahe hai, lekin suno mere Bombay dost, tum gao. Aur mein tumhare saat nachunga.
Happy now, Sad dreams of running around trees with khudkhushi, while Bugged dreams of running around trees with Sad!

There’s still 1 hour left and no sign of a story. Enter the AIDS victim.

KS : Bar mein kabhi kabhi ulti karna padta hai.

KS has AIDS and the gang learn about it.

Bugs : KS ko AIDS ho gaya hai, koi baat nahi sab kuch theek ho jayega.
(Booby makes a startling revelation)
Booby : But there’s no cure for AIDS!!!
Bugs : So what, hum cure dhoondenge, We’ll sing and dance the AIDS away.
Sad : I’ll have my first AIDS concert. Maybe if we yell loud enough into the mic, the virus will go into the mic.

The Concert is a hit and they have found a cure for AIDS. Deep throat has taken care
of the deep threat. KS however dies of stomach ache.

Khudkhushi : Pyaar mein cabbie cabbie ... timepass karna padta hai. In 3 months I have made fools out of these models, in 3 months I have become a star. I have no?!

According to the contract there’s still half an hour of acting to be done, so it carries on ...

And finally, agonizingly, Sad decides to propose to Khudkhushi.

Sad : Khudkhushi I love you, do you love me?
Khudkhushi : No! I don’t, I’m only in love with my Cool Cab and cool cab driver.
Bye bye, you taporis.
Sad : In 3 months I have found my Fire. In 3 months we wrapped up this stupid movie, in 3 months I haven’t done any benchpress...
Bugged : Zindagi mein khushi pane ke liye, Sad hona zaruri hai. Pyar mein kabhi kabhi aisa bhi hota hai. Samjhe kya!