Jackie is out there in Hongkong, talking in Chinese and dreaming up new ways to fracture himself when he gets a distress call from the Chinese Consul General.

Jackie’s plane arrives at the Sahar, oops pardon me, the Chhatrapati Shivaji Inter-national Airport, where he spends 3 hrs clearing immigration (also making this the longest movie ever). Stripped of all his gadgets & weapons, he finally gets out and asks a cop for directions, who fleeces him of the rest of his money.

Chan is on board a BEST bus where he spots the Bald Kidnapper Of His President’s Illegitimate Daughter* (bkohpid). He gives chase to baldie who jumps off the bus (not very difficult, since the bus is in a traffic jam)... Apna Jackie showoff crawls out of the window and is all ready to make his hanuman’s tail- leap when he finds himself face-to-face with a mustachioed, angry-as-hell man who clicks his ticket puncher menacingly... Chan is held back, wrestling the iron arms of the bus conductor.

Given that most buildings hug each other in amchi Mumbai, Jackie decides to bypass the good ole safe steps route. As Jackie does a drunken flight from one bldg to the other he inadvertently entangles himself in all the criss cross cable wires and falls to a sure death... only to be saved by a large amma’s petticoat hanging on a clothesline that breaks his fall. He is however bashed up by irate cable viewers.

Jackie gets an inferiority complex as he steps into the Virar local (gaping in awe as commuters use their little pinkys to hang out of the train) when he once again spots the bald kidnapper of his president’s illegitimate daughter (bkohpid). He attempts to squeeze his way through the sweaty crowd and monkey-leaps into the compartment of an oncoming train. Only to discover it is the Ladies’ Special!!!! Mistaken for a stone thrower/ vandal/ pervert (take your pick) he manages to break a few more bones.

A hungry, tired and bruised Jackie, longing for sushi and crow eggs, walks into China Garden and sits himself pretty on a mint coloured table. He is about to order when the maitre’d mistakes him for their missing Nepali cook and drags him into the kitchen. He snake-fights himself out and settles for a raste ka vada pau, where he spots the “bkohpid” (bald kidnapper of...) He has him this time when suddenly there is a rumble in his tummy and he just has to go... the bkohpid escapes again.

As per standard requirement in every movie produced in India Jackie must perform a nach gana, preferably a rain dance. So there he is, pelvic thrusting in the rain while a wet Raveena Tandon gyrates in tandem. Akshay sits forlorn, heart-broken. Jackie can’t believe the flexible and curvyy body of his heroine, he’s busy ogling, drooling, slurping at her and inadvertently falls into a gundha nullah . What will happen of our hero? Well check out the next scene, you moron...

Jackie wades through the slimy septic waters, fighting off treachorous rats, underwater dons and politicians to finally snake style his way up a drainage pipe of the open air Sauchalay at Mahim Creek where lo and behold, just above his nose (yup you guessed it) he spots the “bkohpid”. Caught with his pants down, the “bkohpid” finally surreneders. 

Finally (phew) Jackie gets hold of the kidnapped president’s illegitimate daughter, but kela, the daughter aspires to be a Bollywood starlet and in a final dhishum dhisum scene she bonks Jackie on his head and walks into the sunset with the “bkohpid”, who incidentally is an underworld film producer.