KOI HIL GAYA

This is a work in fiction and a darned unimaginative one at that. Any resemblance therefore, to people living, dead, on earth or from the sky, or any parallel with Hollywood sci-fi blockbusters is utterly incidental.

Dr Behra : Hi, I am Behra. I am a space scientist. I was convinced there is intelligent life in other galaxies. But after seeing the success of this film, I am doubtful there is intelligent life on Earth. I am going to make contact with aliens by transmitting the sound of ‘OM’ from my small home computer. Even if I can't hear them, they can hear me. It is an achievement to die for.

Sonia Behra : Hi I am Mrs Mehra. To tell you the truth, my late husband and I, had grown apart in our marriage. You could say, we were aliens to each other. He was more interested in sending vibes into outer space than to me. Hari Om!

No-hit Mehra: I suffered brain damage while in my mother’s womb. So now I am a small boy trapped in a man's body. With the alien’s powers, I manage to send my bullies packing. But when his powers aren't working, which is half the time, I run to “Mummy”!

Fisha : I am Nisha. I have a heart of gold and a toothy grin. I befriend Rohit, because he is unlike all the other, normal guys in my life - he is sensitive, kind and being friends with him doesn’t mean we have to end up having sex.

Laadoo : I am the alien. My real name is 2Q2BNET, but Jaadoo, will do. I am the blue eyed wonder from Beyond, the best held secret of 2003 - other than the discovery that Hrithik can REALLY ACT!

Scene 1: Mrs Mehra at the doctors’ clinic. Doctor is pointing to the X-Ray.
Mrs Mehra : What is that?
Doctor: That is a boy trapped inside a man. Or if you turn it upside down, it is a man trapped inside a boy.
Mrs Mehra : You can see all that? What else can you see?
Doctor : I see your son will soon meet someone special whom he will come to love. That person will make your son fly high and bring him great respect and adulation.
Mrs Mehra : A beautiful, pahadi girl ?
Doctor : No. A three-fingered, three feet high, blue-colored alien.

Scene 2 : Nisha meets Rohit and the kids
Nisha : I am new to Kasauli. How is the night life here?
Sardar Tanta Singh : Rocking! After dark, the Great Indian Owl starts hunting for rats and squirrels, snakes come out to give their gills a breather and the leopard and sambar head for the watering holes.
Nisha : Euch! I don’t like sambar with my idli. Anway, I want to go to Shanti Villa. How do we reach there?
Rohit : Once you reach Suicide Point, keep going till you hit bottom. But first drop us here.

Scene 3: Rohit gets beaten by Raj and his friends
Raj : That is for giving Nisha the wrong directions, for having a director backed role and for making me look like an insensitive brute in Nisha’s eyes.
Rohit : But you are one !
Raj : See! No one loves me. No one understands me.
Rohit : Help me understand why you are beating me to pulp right now.
Raj : Because you gave Nisha wrong directions, because you have a director backed role and because you make me look like an insensitive brute, in Nisha’s eyes.

Scene 4 : Rohit and Nisha meet Jadoo in the forest
Rohit : Hello. Will you be our friend?
Jaadoo : Friend ? What’s that?
Rohit : A friend is someone, preferably from abroad who possesses supernatural powers that may be deployed to improve my self image. He must be non demanding –willing to live inside baskets and survive on sunlight and Coke. Manzoor hai?
Jaadoo : Can I skip the Coke? I don’t want to be slow poisoned.

Scene 5: Nisha tells Rohit she is not marrying Raj
Nisha : I am not marrying Raj. Someone who will pick me up when I have fallen, lift me up when I am down. Someone sensitive and kind.
Rohit : Wow. Sounds like someone from another planet.
Nisha : Rohit! How did you guess I am marrying the alien?

Scene 6: A transformed Rohit at the dance competition
Nisha : Wow. Rohit what are you doing?
Rohit : Since you were planning to go with the alien, I figured I should take some drastic steps to win you back. Salsa is about as drastic as it gets, babe.
Nisha : But how did you grow up so fast and now you don’t even need spectacles to see?
Rohit : I drank lots of Bournvita.

Scene 7: Rohit has Jaadoo in the basket and is being pursued by the police
Jaadoo : Where you taking me?
Rohit : To a safe place where the police can’t get you. Since it is night and you need sunlight to perform miracles, it gives me the chance to display some of our Indian brand of heroism, which itself is nothing short of miraculous, by the way.
Jaadoo: But surely by morning, my powers will return. Then, just as I helped you in your basketball match by causing you and your friends to fly through air, I can make these policemen and their guns fly through air.
Rohit : Look. All I know is that I want to be Hero No.1 again. This is the only way to do it. So are you going to help me or not?
Jaadoo : Sigh. OK.

Scene 8: The moral dilemma, whether to send Jaadoo back or not
Mrs Mehra : We should Jaadoo back where he belongs?
Rohit : Why?
Mrs Mehra : He is becoming more popular than you, that's why