Namastey London attempts to discuss the regular issue with NRIs. They all want their children to be born and brought up in the foreign lands but when the question of their marriage arises they all want the prospective bride or groom to be an Indian. While Namastey London brings up this genuine problem in its story, the solution it offers is simply ludicrous.An NRI father Manmohan Singh (Rishi Kapoor) wants her pampered spoilt daughter Jasbeer aka Jazz (Katrina Kaif) to get married to an Indian. So he gets her to India where he starts hunting grooms for his daughter. One day he sees a man flirting with his daughter (and while this would appall any father), Mr. Singh instantly decides that this guy would be the perfect match for his daughter. While Jazz is justifiably not interested in this gaav-ka-gawaar (Akshay Kumar) because of the vast cultural difference, Singh, much against his daughter’s wishes gets the two married. And the audience is supposed to support the father because the village simpleton groom he chooses is none other that our hero – Arjun (Akshay Kumar).

Post marriage they all land up in London where Jazz disapproves of their marriage. The audience is now expected to sympathize with the hero because he was duped into a false marriage. What about the injustice done to the heroine by forcing her into a wedlock? Kindly overlook that. In fact you are now made to detest the heroine’s decision of marrying a British who is divorced thrice....

Obviously you know who will get the girl in the end. And how? Our hero doesn’t fight back for all that’s happened to him. He goes into the Shahrukh Khan mode of waiting with all the confidence in the world that one fine day the heroine will surely come back to him.

Namastey London is a standard NRI film which exploits foreign locations and Indian emotions to the maximum. The idea is simple – shoot the film extensively abroad and patronize Indian cultures and values throughout. There is also a prolonged sequence where Akshay Kumar gives big gyaan to the British people about the greatness of India with lines like ‘we have 24 languages, some 600 newspapers and 12 crore readers’. So what? And the scene has no connection with the story whatsoever other than invoking patriotic feelings and exploiting sentimental values.

The screenplay is replete with many such redundant scenes that don’t amuse in any way. For instance, there is a scene where Katrina comes across Prince Charles in Buckingham Palace (duplicate, of course). The scene neither evokes excitement nor laughter and one simply fails to understand its significance. In another scene there is a gay smooch in a disco. What for? Nobody knows. The way in which Akshay Kumar plays rugby and even wins against the British is simply ridiculous. Then there is a song picturized in the fields on Punjab amidst tractors which could be awarded as the most ‘unintentionally funny’ choreographed song. Some scenes are blatantly incorporated...

only for brand promotions.

Now the much-hyped talk of whether the film is a remake of ‘Purab aur Paschim’. The answer is ‘No’. Because the film is not inspired from just one film but derives heavily from many films of the late 80s which dealt with the theme of an English mem getting married to a desi babu like Govinda’s Banarasi Babu or Anil Kapoor’s Abhimanyu. The scene in the climax where Akshay Kumar speaks English for the first time in the film is clearly inspired from Rekha’s Biwi Ho To Aisi. A lot of Pardes effect is palpable in the second half esp. when Katrina refuses sex to her English lover before marriage. And Namastey London is the nth film that has a Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam ending with the only difference that you can predict the end of this film in its first scene itself.

The next big hype on the film was the Himesh Reshammiya – Javed Akhtar pairing coming together for the first time (unfortunately not for the good). Himesh is as nasal as usual. But what’s disappointing is that the usually dependable Javed Akhtar goes on to write inanities like ‘Aanan Panan’, ‘Chakna Chakna’ to ‘Rafta Rafta’. And what exceptional work did the much-talked about international cinematographer Jonathan Bloom has done in this film that our desi cameraman from Ashok Mehta to Anil Mehta can’t do?

We are so used to Akshay Kumar’s onscreen comic image by now that whenever he attempts to do emotional roles, he...

ends up making a mockery of his own image. The only saving grace is Katrina Kaif who is immaculately beautiful throughout the film.

In one of the dialogues of the film Katrina says, “I don’t watch Hindi films”. If Bollywood continues to churn more films like Namastey London, it won’t be long when we all will be mouthing the same dialogue.