With apologies to Erich Segal...

"What can you say about a thirty something boy who sings? That he is ugly. And nasal. That he loves blue caps and orange caps. And black caps. And white caps."

And you too will love his caps. We counted 22 different ones - or was it 24? Just one of the many small things which makes Aap ka Suroor (the real Love story) an unforgettable experience.

Honestly, I haven't enjoyed a movie this much in a long time. But then it ain't often that I watch a film 'first day, first show' at Chitra cinema in Dadar (which is actually quite a decent theatre, if only they would figure out how to turn down the dratted a/c)

From the moment the opening credits came on screen, and the first day, first show crowd broke into lusty cheers... Until the last teardrop rolled down the chubby cheeks of our one and only rock star. Aap ka Suroor is Himesh, Himesh and Himesh.

Er, wait, it's 'HR'.

Now HR cannot act. He cannot dance. He cannot be made to look good.Thankfully, he realises this and does a smart thing. He plays himself.

This means song after song after song (some recycled, some new). A standard small-eyes-grim-mouth-don't-you -know-I-don't-smile expression. And plenty of tears.

More than seen from the eyes of a Hindi film hero on screen since a long long time.

But story-shory bhi hai. HR is in Germany on a 3 concert tour. After a rousing performance on a set filled with white skinned extras,...

he is arrested by the Polizei. For the murder of ITV news reporter 'Nadia Merchant'.

Now we are taken into a flashback...

Most of the screen time is taken up by the looove story of HR and Riaa (Hansikaa). He knows it's true love because... when he looks at her the Gayatri mantra starts playing in his head. Then he plays it - as he soulfully sings it - on his guitar.

'God knows' says HR at one point, deftly tapping his nose.

Speaking of nose, the kick ass thing about this film is Himesh taking his own trip.

Himesh to Sidekick: Mujhe dar hai ki tum meri naak katwa doge...

Sidekick: Nahin! Phir tum gaaoge kaise?

Other characters in this reshmi khichdi are:
1) Khurana - a taklu wheeler dealer who gives HR a 'blank cheque' to do a world tour concert

2) Ruby - Mallika Sherawat, a 'top lawyer' who takes her 'briefs' very seriously.

3) Shravan - the sidekick. The comic relief in the film and I actually mean that!

4) Raj Babbar - the father of 'Nadia Merchant'. Did you know that in Germany fathers of murder victims can walk into a jail - with a loaded gun - and beat up the suspect?

5) Riaa ke pitaji - Yeh shaadi nahin ho sakti, kisi ko to kehna padega, na?

6) Boris Becker, Andre Agassi lookalikes - Among various other white skins who stand around and clap, or dance, or wear polizei uniforms.

7) The dialogue writer - though invisible - deserves a special mention. His favurite phroase: "Jai Mata...

di".

8) Three auto rickshaw drivers - this bit seriously kicks ass!

I won't get into further details, especially the plot. Except to say that it's no better or worse than your average Bollywood potboiler.

The production is actually quite slick - you can't call it a B grade production. The car chase in particular is well shot - kaafi paisa blow up kiya hai aur ek do cars bhi.

Hansikaa tries to look like Sushmita Sen and act like Preity Zinta but is overall quite okay. She could go on to do well, once she finds a personality of her own.

Mallika looks sad, and desperate. Incidentally, Mallika and Himesh display almost the same amount of cleavage in the film. HR's 'plunging neckline tshirts' may well spark off a new fashion trend. Don't forget to shave that chest hair, though.

At the end of the day the songs - despite several being recycled maal - hold the film together.

You have to applaud the guts of this guy. Who would ever let a guy with lips like used chappal rubber appear on screen, as a hero?

HR did it. Like the Beatles, who starred in a film at the height of their career, HR has created a vehicle for self promotion which elevates his brand to a new level. Take it from me, this film will be a hit.

I mean there were half a dozen guys in the audience wearing caps... No kidding!

If you do decide to go watch it, remember to go in...

a large group. If you're lucky there will be other large groups - and the background commentary will add to the fun. The first half especially.

Do me a favour, keep a watch on those change of caps. I am still wondering if it was 22, 23 or 24..

Afterthought: Kindly discount 2 out of the 4 stars if you are going to pay 200 bucks in some fancy multiplex and go in with 'expectations'. The fun is in a junta theare, and a we're-here-to-have-a-ball attitude!