Take a mainstream Hollywood movie, Indianise it using done-to-death themes and you have the perfect comeback vehicle for a has-been film-maker and his favourite muse. The "hitch"? The original was one of the most Bollywood-esque movie to have come out of LA; the localised elements, as is usually the case, fail to build on the main storyline. But most importantly - Salman Khan is no Will Smith (what's with the accent?). Neither is Lara Dutta a carbon-copy of Eva Mendes.

My main complaint with this hardly modified remake, other than of course the lead role, or rather complaints, are the sub-plots which are unnecessarily created and make no sense whatsoever. Someone please tell me what the utility of "Chhota Don" was? What purpose does the rich girl's (Katrina Kaif) dad serve? Why were the song-and-dance routines included in those situations? I'm sure nobody will have an answer - and Bollywood will never learn.

To say that the soundtrack was annoying would be the understatement of the year - Himmesh does better in many cases is all I have to say. With every passing release, the gay undercurrents seem to be transforming into some kind of tidal wave; a tsunami even. The loose ends never tighten - they're simply forgotten, and so are those (meaningless) extra characters; the lead pair bombards the audience with forceful rhymes in every second dialogue, yada yada yada. Exactly how people randomly land up in Thailand within a moment's notice, penetrate a high-security zone, convince hard-headed stubborn oldies and...

umpteen other things are beyond my comprehension.

That's not to say the film doesn't have its moments - on the contrary, it does manage to evoke quite a few laughs. But you can literally count them on your fingertips, and if you've seen the original - which I doubt many people would have and hence the likelihood of this one raking in the moolah at the box-office - you'll realize that the only consistent thing about the movie - the central plot - isn't something the writer is supposed to get commended for.

I have just one poser for not just David Dhawan, but the entire Bollywood fraternity - you have perfectly fine movies. Why do you, without fail, have to massacre them?