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 JAM Goes To Goa:
We at JAM have always endeavoured to bring you something different every
fortnight - stuff that'll make you jump off the crapper and say 'Wow! Kya
Magazine Hai Boss!'. However, all this thinking and working began to take
its toll on us, so we decided to scoot off to Goa for a while, ostensibly on
a 'work trip'. I don't know about the work part, but trip we surely did!’
Here's what I learnt during the bus journey to Goa:
1) Ride the Konkan Kanya (oh shaddup perverts..it's the name of a
train), book in advance for the Holiday Special, take the Jan Shatabdi...do
whatever it takes, but go by train. Unless you enjoy being hurled around in
a freezing deathtrap that goes by the name of Kadamba. And if you have to
take the bus, go in for Neeta Volvo - it's one of the better services
around. At least they give you blankets...*looks wistfully at foot where
frostbitten toe used to be*
2) Rum and coke is a good combination. Rum, coke, biscuits, chips,
the Ghats and a bus driver who thinks he's Keanu Reeves from Speed - NOT so
good. The food and booze will do the foxtrot inside you all night,
threatening to launch itself either through the front door, or the back
door, or both. I swear, on everything that is pure and holy, that I will
never touch rum again.
*looks back at previous sentence*
Did I really say that?? I meant I'll never touch it on a bus again.
3) All the hot women, firangs included, will never ever be on your
bus. It'll just be a bunch of guys, giving new meaning to the term 'Goan
Sausages'.
4) Just when you've fallen asleep, they'll play 'Gangster' on the
bus. The murderous visions that rush to your head after waking up to Emraan
Hashmi's face, would make Kill Bill seem like an episode of Full House.
5) After 12 hours of nausea, frigidity, an absence of women, and bad
movies, you'll finally reach the Promised Land. And as you look out over
fields, fresh and verdant under the morning sun, you realise that Goa's not
just a place -it's an experience that's just begun. |
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Goa on a shoestring:
Holidays are usually planned. Often, months in advance. The beauty of Goa is
you don't have to. Say, you wake up one day and just feel like going away
somewhere. Just throw a few things into a bag, sms a couple of friends and
hop into a Goa bound bus.
Ideally: Leave on a Thursday night, so you can sack out on the beach all of
Friday. Then scooter around Saturday and absolutely, definitely visit the
Ingo's night market that night at Arpora. After that, head to Club Cubana,
which is open till 5 am! Sunday, wake up by noon, bake and swim some more.
Book the return journey. |
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What to carry:
- Towel, bedsheet
- Sunblock, rucksack (for the beach)
- Cellphone charger, digicam, battery charger
- Soap, shampoo, toothpaste (if u plan to stay in budget hotels)
- One jacket & shawl (yes, it's Goa but late nights on scooter are chilly!)
- Earplugs/mp3 player (so you can tune out Himesh numbers on
the bus!) |
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 Budget Holiday Calculator:
Journey: Rs. 1200 (both ways, by bus)
Acco: 2 nights @ Baga: Rs. 500 (twin sharing)
Food: Rs. 500 per day; Rs. 1500 for 3 days (unless you are a real
glutton!)
Drink: again depends. But if you stick to beer Rs. 500 will go a long
way!
Scooter: Rs. 250 per day for 2 days + 4-5 litres petrol (so around Rs.
300 per person)
Shopping/ clubbing/ misc expenses: Rs. 1000
Total: Rs 5000! |
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 Where To Stay:
There are literally hundreds of tiny budget hotels and 'rooms to let' close
to the beach. Not fancy places, but for 500 bucks a night you will get a
double bed with spotless white sheets and a clean, functional bathroom. Aur
kya chahiye? Hotel mein rehne ko thodi aaye hain! You'll need half an hour
to explore your options. See 4-5 places and take the one you like best.
Maybe the one closest to the beach! The best suggestion is the Baga stretch.
Note: This may not be such a good idea between 24th Dec-1st Jan when
the season is at its 'peak' and rates double, triple and then some. But any
other time, it works like a charm. |
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 Some Advice:
Goa is fun to be in. Provided of course, you leave it alive. With unlit,
narrow and winding roads, and an abundance of drunken tourists, road
accidents in Goa are increasing at an alarming rate. And I never thought
that my friend Avinash Thakur, 23, would end up as a road accident
statistic. Wear a helmet because:
1. All heads need protection.
2. A brain transplant (provided you have a brain) is too complicated
and might take most of your lifetime.
3. No matter how ugly you think your face is, it can get worse. Don't
take chances.
4. Someone is waiting for you. (Probably the people you owe money to)
Don’t drink and drive. Being crushed under a ton of metal and glass is NOT
the best way to avoid a hangover. Also make sure you have a two-wheeler
license (if you are riding one). |
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