Chin Curtain: Grow a beard but forget about the moustache. The result will either make you look cool (if you're lucky) or will lead to airport security shoving metal detectors up your portals. Sad butt true.

Le French Beard:Some say that French beards add character to the face - a character of an old man, that is. Team them up with a pair of spectacles and you're ready (at least you look like you're ready) to be one of those banker/engineer type people who eat, sleep and even perform the occasional mating dance with their laptops. Goatees are way cooler - and not just because I have one.

Go Goatee:Do ticket checkers shoo you away from adult film shows with a 'Cartoon picchur dekhne ja!' refrain? Do fat aunties pull your cheeks and make high-pitched cooing noises that make you want to kill yourself? Well, don't jump in front of that train yet - there's still hope. Grow a goatee, and bring on the punk look ala Fred Durst (remember him?). It adds some Man-factor to your baby face. For that added intellectual touch, look into the distance and twirl your goatee absentmindedly - you'll come across as a person in deep thought. Of course, the world doesn't need to know that you're thinking about which adult film to watch next - nobody's gonna stop you now!

Baar Baar, Handlebar:This one is strictly for the men. Tobacco-spitting, teeth-baring, brawl-inducing, guilty-of-poor-dental-hygiene men who were born with an oil-filter in their mouths, can carry off this look with elan and pizzaz (even though they may not know what 'elan' and 'pizzaz' mean).

Dapper Zapper:Just like Pythagoras did years ago, Aamir Khan popularised the triangle by sporting it on his face in Dil Chahta Hai. I don't know why it's called the Zapper, but it's quite an easy style to pull off.

Elvis Lives! So what if you couldn't be Lord Of The Pelvic Thrust and allegedly die of a drug overdose? You can grow out those locks and play out your Elvis fantasises. Disclaimer: This style went out when Dev Anand was still sucking his thumb, so only hardcore fans can carry it off. If you don't walk the walk or talk the talk, you'll end up looking like an escapee from Byculla zoo.

Mine Is Long and Vertical:The Vertical Moustache aka I-swallowed-a-mouse-and-it's-tail-is-hanging-out-of-my-mouth moustache, is quite a recent trend. It works well with long, triangular faces but for some reason, reminds me a lot of Jim Carrey as The Grinch. Maintaining it can be a pain, so if you you're the type of guy who shares a long-distance relationship with his razor, stay away.

A Whole Lotta Fuzz:Ah..the unshaven look! The blessed refuge of the lazy. Not only does it save precious time that can be spent sleeping, the unkempt look can be justified by using words like 'grunj'. Your girlfriend will make appreciative noises about Abhishek's Bachchan's stubbled/bearded look, but will refuse to be seen with you in public if you sport the same. That's ok though - 'grunj' people do not care about such things.

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