Some
Really Fairly Fairly tales by Chyrag Mahabel.
Hansela and
Gretel
Once upon a time there lived two girls named Hansel and Gretel. Hansela was
blonde and Gretel was attractive. In fact, she was so attractive that even Hansela
fell in love with her, being the dumb blonde she was. Soon, Hansela and Gretel
started seeing each other and fell madly in love with each other, which wasn't
very difficult since women are already in love with themselves. Over time, their
relationship matured
and boy did it mature! Even their step mothers who
heard strange noises coming from their rooms all the time started getting friendly.
Ahem!
Now Hansela and Gretel lived in Lesbiania. This was a town where no males existed.
Girls would get married to girls only. They were very happy living with one
another till they day they realized they couldn't create more girls like them
who could like other girls like them because neither of them had a bee to offer
their flower to.
So one day, Hansela and Gretel wandered into the enchanted forest in search
of the witch who could give them an artificial bee to offer their flower to.
They knew the bee wouldn't buzz (or sting for that matter) but it would sure
be busy. So they went deep into the forest in search for the witch and just
so they wouldn't get lost they kept tearing pages from feminist magazines and
made a trail as they went along. But little did dumb blonde Hansela realize,
the pages like their eventual interest in one another would fly away. As they
went on they discovered a small hut in the middle of the forest. It was the
most spectacular thing they had ever seen. The house was so feminist, Rosie
O'Donnell would blush. It had a blonde wig instead of a roof, eyelashes in place
of curtains and the door was shaped like a
um
never mind. The house
had not been painted but there was a thick layer of foundation on the walls,
followed by some rouge on the outside.
The two of them went to the house and started rubbing their faces against the
wall when they heard a loud cackle. It wasn't their conscience, but the witch
they were looking for. The witch told them they could have all the make-up they
wanted and more inside the house so Hansela and Gretel followed the witch inside
the house. But to their surprise instead of giving them the bee they were looking
for, the witch locked them up inside a cage and told them things that highly
interested them. She told them about the hundreds of shoes they could buy, the
various ways they could lose the weight they spent so much money to put on and
convinced them that they were the centre of the universe.
Hansela and Gretel were very happy with this thought and asked the witch how
they could go about getting all these things. The witch told them the easiest
way was to go to the neighboring town of Guy-ana and trick the males into falling
for them and eventually squeeze every last penny out of them.
And so they did. In fact, every woman in Lesbiana started to hook up with docile,
gullible males so they could spend their money. The witch, Hansela and Gretel,
meanwhile started a magazine that told women how important they were and how
worthless men were and how their money was for the women for the taking and
all women lived happily ever after.
That, my friends, is how Cosmopolitan was born.
Cinderfella
Once upon a time there was a boy name Cindrol who lived with his stepmother
and sisters. He was so used to being around women that he started behaving like
one. He would dress up like a girl, talk like a girl, walk like a girl and even
relieve himself like a girl. Upon attaining the age of 18 he went in for a change
of name and told everyone to call him Cinderfella. Now although cinderfella
was a boy, she had dreams of marrying another boy and not just an ordinary boy-
Cinderfella wanted a rich and handsome prince as she used to read Cosmopolitan
and wanted to spend lots and lots of money.
Cinderfella had a fairy godmother who had an evil plot to trick a rich prince.
The godmother told the plan to Cinderfella and she was delighted. So she went
to the nearest party with the hopes of getting a royal fool drunk. She bought
the cheapest tharra available at gopal wines and put it in a bottle that read
'magic potion'. Now also at the party was a duke who wasn't very strong
or very able
if you know what I mean. Cinderfella spotted the duke and
lured him into a room with the magic potion in her hand. She told him that if
he drank the potion, he would be strong and be able
to perform. She also
said she had no hesitation to give him the opportunity to perform.
The Duke was either too weak or too desperate to notice Cinderfella was a fella.
So he went in for the 'magic potion' and fell right into cinderfella's trap.
Having been intoxicated, the duke did things to Cinderfella, she had seen only
animals do in the enchanted forest and her fairy godmother taped all of this
on video. They had to go through with it fast as there was a midnight deadline
to return the camera.
The next morning, they showed the duke what he had done and threatened to sell
it to India TV who would show the clip 754 times every day, if he did not marry
Cinderfella.
So the poor fella had no option but to marry Cinderfella even though she was
fruitier than fruitella. Cinderfella got his property, the godmother got a cut
and they lived happily ever after.
Little
red riding dude
There once was a boy named red. Little red used to spend all his time with his
mother's make-up kit in front of her mirror. He used to love putting on make-up
and then his mother's clothes. This whole obsession with wanting to be a woman
started after he's accidentally read a copy of Cosmopolitan. The magazine made
him so gay, it made Elton john look like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
So one day, red's mother gave him a basket of goodies to take to his grandmother.
He set off on his way wearing girls' clothes. But on his way he met a wicked
wolf who wanted to get intimate with him as he thought Red was a girl. Red himself,
had an inclination towards the wolf as he was naturally attracted to men. So
the wolf and Red fell in love with each other and hatched a plan to kill his
grandmother to they could live together in her house.
So the wolf went to the grandmother and ate her. As he was making his way out
of the room, he saw a copy of Cosmopolitan and read it. He was taken by the
magazine and decided to take to boy love. Imagine his surprise when he found
out that Red was a boy. For the next several years the neighbors heard loud
embarrassing noises coming out of the house and the cause of the noises is what
gave Red the name 'Litlle red "riding" dude'
Oh yeah and they lived happily ever after.